Another Edition of "Only in Shelbyville"

Once again, I have copied and pasted the police reports from the Shelbyville News Online. I am so proud to call that place my hometown!

12:04 a.m., 700 block of East Franklin Street - A report of several juveniles in Kennedy Park "tearing something up." No one and nothing was found.

12:12 p.m., 800 block of Miller Avenue - A woman reported someone had attempted to slash her tire.


1:50 p.m., Hubler Ford Lincoln Mercury, 2605 E. State Road 44 - Sherry K. Taylor, 18, Greensburg, was charged with forgery and identity deception when she attempted to purchase a $22,000 automobile using an AARP credit card issued to a 60-year-old Greensburg woman.
*You all do know that an AARP card is only for retired people, right? So not for 18 year olds is what I'm saying.*

7:45 p.m., 911 Hale Road - A woman reported her grandson stole her daughter's cell phone.
*So find the grandson yourself or have your daughter do it, give him a time out and get the freakin phone back!*

12:36 p.m., 500 block of Chestnut Street - A woman reported her trailer had been egged.
*Can't they say "residence?" That just sounds a little demeaning to me.*

11:18 a.m., Marsh Supermarket, 1015 E. State Road 44 - Amy S. Turner, 38, was charged with criminal conversion after being observed taking a 59-ounce bottle of whiskey valued at $21.99 from the shelf, then to the restroom, where it was found with the seal broken by a female employee. Turner was the only occupant of the restroom at the time. Turner said she'd had a bad week and wanted to get some alcohol but did not want to spend the money for it.
*No Words*

11:34 p.m., 100 block of East Broadway Street - A man reported someone broke into his home and "threw stuff everywhere."
*At least they didn't take anything. Maybe they just didn't want to mess up their own home.*

8:55 a.m., Great Clips, 1611 E. Michigan Road - A St. Paul woman, an employee, reported the theft of scissors.
* Come on, chalk it up as a loss and buy some new scissors! Someone obviously wanted to cut more than you. That would be like calling the police if your glue stick or crayons got stolen.*